Perhaps I'm just not in a blogging state of mind anymore. Or at least not this particular kind.

A friend of mine just turned me on to dailybooth.com, where you take a webcam picture of yourself every day (with comments if you want). I find I like this mode of daily expression, and will probably be more regular about it than my xanga at present. So I guess for the time being, if you want updates from me, go here.

Lately, I've been perusing the entries for the "It Gets Better" project on YouTube. This project is in response to several heartbreaking news stories of gay teenage boys who have killed themselves in the past week because they had been bullied. The project encourages adults who have been in these tough situations as teenagers to give their stories of how "it got better." I found a small cluster of videos from the perspective of those who have had to reconcile their sexual orientation with their faith, and liked this one in particular:

He's just so articulate in expressing exactly how I've felt about the issue for some time.

Also, a friend from my old church back home posted a link to an ABC special on Islam (the video screen shows a series of clips). On one hand, parts of it saddened me, like the son of the Koran-burning pastor, who had no compunction about telling the Muslim people in the room that they were going to Hell, while trying to cover himself by saying "I can't force my beliefs on you." (Seriously, that was the oddest mix of exclusivist and inclusivist rhetoric I've ever seen come from one person.) But other moments, like the woman wearing a hijab and speaking out against the objectification of women while defending her preference for modesty, really made me feel proud to be a person of faith right along with her.

So my internet surfing tonight has reminded me of how my definition of faith has expanded over the past several years, and how much closer I feel to God for it. When I was younger, before I dared venture outside the boundaries of what I had been taught were the "right" things to believe as a Christian, I felt out of place in my own faith. But I was afraid that, if I officially adjusted my beliefs to fit what I felt was right, I would find myself out of favor with God.

But God put what I feel is right inside of me for a reason, and as I've wrestled with these issues, I've found other people who have the same sense of what is right as I do, and who are asking the same questions I am. I have come to the belief that part of a true faith in God is not being afraid to be honest with myself and with God when I have reservations about something that's in the Bible, or something that has become accepted as something that Christians are supposed to believe. Often, there's another way of looking at it, or some detail in the context that I had never considered before, that will help things to make a little more sense to me.

All that to say, I enjoyed my time on the internet this evening. :)

To see my favorite quote, just look up. ^^^^^ (to the top of the page)

This quote is by Charles Ives, my favorite composer, who is also my birthday buddy. It pretty much sums up my feelings about what makes an artistic experience (and specifically for my area of interest, a musical experience) meaningful, that it is a strand in "the fabric of existence." It seems pretty obvious that, for a composer, the individual's experience has a huge impact on their musical output. What I think many people don't realize that a similar thing is true for listeners. The way we perceive music is heavily based on our previous experiences. I hear music differently from anyone who might happen upon this post, who all hear music differently from each other. And those differences are part of the fabric of existence too.

Isn't music wonderful? :)

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